Say NO, What do People Think About Us if We Say No?
No, it’s a word hard to add to our vocabulary and society in general, has given it quite negative connotations.
Since we are little we were taught to obey orders, to follow rules and according to general belief, it was the best way to be hardworking and educated people. In fact, the first distinction between those considered “good people” and those who were “bad people” was clear, the ones who followed orders and rules without questioning and the others that always disobeyed.
Therefore, most people were educated to be “good people”, it is common to hear in conversation “he/she is such a good person, does not complain about anything, everything seems fine, it’s glad to share with him or her...”. Now I propose to close your eyes and think of one or several people you know and believe they are within this group of “good people”, have you already thought about one, two, many more?, writes on paper a list of the of these people. Well, we continue ... Having a deep conversation with these people often expose their own unmet needs and the fear to say what they think that may upset others, in that case they could be part of the “bad people” category and would have to stop being what they have always been and what they were educated for.
Living without meeting our own long-term needs creates frustrations and even some diseases, understanding that the first person with whom we must have a healthy relationship is with ourselves, which is the first step to embark on the journey towards a healthy relationship with others. Change the belief that we will stop being “good people” if we set limits based on our own internal needs and say “NO”. without being afraid of reactions surrounding us, is the second step towards honesty with ourselves.
Being honest with ourselves and our needs is the only way to be honest with others, if we create the necessary mechanisms within ourselves to understand and think what happens to us and how we feel, we will be able to understand and accept calmly the needs and feelings of others, understand their limits in the same way that we understand ours without feeling bad.
The “good people” are not those who say yes to everything, to whom all seems right, they expect others to find out their needs and listen to them when they are not able to listen to their own voice. It is a misconception that has made many people to feel unhappy in their lives seeking the acceptance of others at the expense of their own needs and desires. “Good people” are honest with themselves and with others, set limits on their lives, take care of themselves while caring for others, they self-confident and are able to take a NO for an answer calmly and say NO when is needed. Check your first list of “good people”, Does any name on that list would change now? Are you in any of them?
TEXTO: Silvia Jiménez (Personal Coach) ; IMÁGENES::Archivo
Tags: Mind and body